RamblingSocialista

Ramblings Of A Socialista

My Dear Silly Wife

Maybe I should have focused on the last word.

Silly? Did you really just call me silly!?

Wife…wife? Have I misheard?

You can swim, you can climb

How far will you swim?

How high will you climb?

Unconditional

What are you seeking?

My heart always answers back with, unconditional love.

Last night, I dreamt of unconditional trust. I never knew how much more valuable that was to me than just love.

I have betrayed the emotions of many people in my life. A bit of a manipulator. Words my choice of ammunition. In my past I have betrayed the trust of many. Some close and some something less, what’s something less? Someone whose life you are not that invested in but somehow your words impact their very existence. And I have abused that power. I have also, tried to correct my ways since.

The point is, I have always just yearned for unconditional love, because I dont trust a single soul out there to have my back. I don’t trust anyone. But I have had just one person in my life who was ready to fight the universe to prove my innocence- sadly that was just one more time when I was indeed guilty. But that’s besides the point, the point is, only one person has ever defended me even when I was wrong. So I just assumed unconditional trust was something you dont come by that easily, ever again.

Which is probably why I focused my energy on seeking an unconditional love.

To quench your curiosity, No I haven’t not found any such thing .

So imagine my surprise when I dreamt of a stranger and the lesson I learnt was of trust. Unconditional trust.

Step in to save me from myself

Are you crazy?

I.. I was trying to keep anyone else from getting hurt.

If you had held on any longer then you would have been hurt!

I was still watching that same space where seconds ago I was trying my best to keep a pillar from collapsing. I was still watching because within the blink of an eye I was yanked away and as I felt myself being pulled away I witnessed pieces of glass shattering to the floor. Where did all that glass come from? It certainly hadn’t been there before.

My eyes are fixated on the shards covering the floor, some having landed close enough to cut me, I should thank you- whoever you are. I don’t think I know you… I know it doesnt make sense to others but I was holding on to keep others from getting hurt…

Frozen in place

An enormous tidal wave creeping up behind me, can you call it a wave? It’s as high as the skies and ferocious yet I dont seem afraid. I turn to leave it behind me and face instead a stone wall. A white enormous stone wall. Standing between the two I ask others to escape but why did I not move?

Love myself whomever that may be

I was a teenager and I didnt realize that I was trying out personalities like trying on dresses.

What i did know a long time ago was that i was not content with who i was. At ten are we really supposed to have that figured out?

So i spent the rest of my days acting out and up as much i could. And then some.

Let it sink in

I. Exist. In. Every. Second.

Can I write about you?

About us?